How God Sees You

How God Sees Us:

 
"We cared for you the way a mother cares for her children. We loved you dearly. Not content to just pass on the Message, we wanted to give you our hearts. And we did."

http://nursingchild.blogspot.com/2011/05/leukemia.html

 

 "Can a mother forget the infant at her breast,
   walk away from the baby she bore?
But even if mothers forget,
   I'd never forget you—never.

http://www.fungur.com/cute-funny-babies-sleeping/

 "The goal is for all of them to become one heart and mind—
   Just as you, Father, are in me and I in you,
   So they might be one heart and mind with us."
 



                                                            http://www.rainboweleven.com/2009/10/newborn-photography/baby-kash-newborn/

http://cool-photo-gallery.blogspot.com/2007/07/shh-cute-babies-are-sleeping-herefunny.html

"As the Father hath loved me, I also have loved you. Abide in my love." 

     

http://www.everything2me.net/2010/10/should-we-travel-a-new-road/chinese-baby-sleeping

 

"For thus says the Lord:
'Behold, I will extend peace to her like a river,
    and the glory of the nations like an overflowing stream;
and you shall nurse, you shall be carried upon her hip,
    and bounced upon her knees.
 As one whom his /mother comforts,
    so I will comfort you;

    you shall be comforted in Jerusalem.'"

                                                             

 How we see ourselves:



http://monsterkidclassichorrorforum.yuku.com/topic/32136/Lopsided-Eyes----Official-Lopsided-Eye-Monster-Thread---CHF?page=2





 “You've got to love this in God — consistently assembling the 

motleyest people to bring, into the lonely and frightening world, a 

commitment to caring and community. 

It’s a centuries-long reality show—Moses the stutterer, Rahab the

hooker, David the adulterer, Mary the homeless teenager. 

Not to mention all the mealy-mouthed disciples. 

Not to mention a raging insecure narcissist like me.” 




—Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith (2005)




How God Sees Us:
                                

 http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2012/jan/12/unhappy-childhoods-childrens-society-low

"The people brought children to Jesus, hoping he might touch them. The disciples shooed them off. But Jesus was irate and let them know it:

"Don't push these children away. Don't ever get between them and me. These children are at the very center of life in the kingdom. Mark this: Unless you accept God's kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you'll never get in."

Then, gathering the children up in his arms, he laid his hands of blessing on them."



 http://baby.more4kids.info/2007/03/tips-for-breastfeeding-moms-of-multiples/




 “one thing about having a baby is that each step of the way you simply cannot imagine loving him any more than you already do, because you are bursting with love, loving as much as you are humanly capable of- and then you do, you love him even more.”




― Anne Lamott, Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year 
                                      


"When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him. The son started his speech: 'Father, I've sinned against God, I've sinned before you; I don't deserve to be called your son ever again.'

But the father wasn't listening. He was calling to the servants, 'Quick. Bring a clean set of clothes and dress him. Put the family ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Then get a grain-fed heifer and roast it. We're going to feast! We're going to have a wonderful time! My son is here—given up for dead and now alive! Given up for lost and now found!' And they began to have a wonderful time."

                                                                             http://tvaraj2inspirations.wordpress.com/2012/03/10/a-prodigal-am-i/
 

THE UNBEATABLE GAME: Living Within a Culture of Blackmail

                                                         
 Note from Beth:  this is a guest post by an anonymous writer. I've posted it "as is" except for the illustrations and the quote about rules. Many thanks for allowing me to post it here. 

THE UNBEATABLE GAME

  Living Within a Culture of Blackmail

 image from http://www.cybercrimesunit.com/?p=5468

Blackmail is extorting something of value from a person by threatening to expose something that discredits them. Extorting is illegally using your position of power to obtain something of value from someone, including Loyalty.

What makes BJU especially dangerous is that the blackmailers hold so many cards. Sometimes all of them. Your reputation, your education, your family's income, your job security, the favor of your pastor, your standing in a church, contact with your friends; all these may be at risk if you make the wrong move. Most unsettling of all, the leadership holds the trump card. They get to choose the rules that determine your credibility. There are written and unwritten rules in this culture. Either can be exploited to discredit someone, making that person an outcast in the BJU network. In addition, the blackmailers have access to mounds of information about you through other players seeking to maintain their good standing. The cards are stacked against you from the start.

THE RULES

"In parts of Scotland, the Palatinate, and the French Midi, elders patrolled the streets during the hours of worship, looking for church members skipping the service to work or play. Some churches extended the reach of their disciplinary effort by appointing secret agents to watch for misdeeds." ‎

"In Aberdeen the task of listening for bad language was assigned to secret 'censurers and captors' who had the power to fine on the spot those whom they overheard swearing or blaspheming; if the guilty person had no money, he or she received a stroke on the hand. Last of all, elders might use discreet inquiries of their own or stakeouts to verify reports received."*

*quoted from p. 464 of Christ's Churches Purely Reformed: A Social History Of Calvinism by Philip Benedict

Establishing the rules gives the blackmailers ultimate power. If you seem spiritual, disciplined, godly... you will advance. If you are unspiritual, undisciplined, or worldly, then surely you are a liar out to destroy the first crowd. How do they determine your category? It goes beyond the specifics of the rules. Do you dress well? Have you ever watched an R-rated movie? Does the expression on your face demonstrate a good attitude? Did you "do your devotions" today? Can anyone trustworthy vouch for you? Have you ever made a sarcastic comment within the hearing of a spiritual leader? Have you kept your distance from people who are not Loyal? The answers to these questions and others get filed away, to be brought out when it is expedient for someone who has sway in the network.

Your spirituality, and therefore credibility, is determined by your adherence to hundreds of rules, a percentage of which are found in the handbook. However, since Loyalty matters more than the rules themselves or the principles behind them, the rules and principles are apt to change. One generation's leader will fight tooth and nail in support of a principle that another generation's leader will toss away with a lie and a shrug. Come to think of it, that switch can happen within the same leader. You might call it progress until you remember the number of lives damaged by those disposable principles. The bottom line is that Loyalty matters most.

THE GAME

Here's how to survive under the blackmail system, if that's what you are inclined to do. First, keep your nose clean. Follow all the rules as cheerfully as possible. If you have either a compliant personality or an opportunistic one, you should do well. Opportunists, if you'd like to advance far within the system, you'll have to look beyond your own nose and keep others' noses clean too.

Work hard on the externals. What good is it to have personal devotions if no one sees you? Be sure that you demonstrate your spirituality outwardly in the presence of roommates, spiritual leaders, even faculty members of the opposite gender. Because you never know who will seek to prove their own Loyalty by acting as a witness against your credibility.

Everyone makes mistakes. If you make a mistake, it may be handled with understanding. However, be sure that if the need arises, you will see that mistake brought out as a testament against you. Everything goes into your credibility file.

THE WINNERS AND THE LOSERS


"Survival of the Fittest" by Kelly Detweiler

This is a Darwinian system. Many people survive in the game simply because they never encounter a crisis. When a crisis does arise, however, your standing comes into play. If you are in a strong position, you get the benefit of the doubt and find yourself in an even stronger one. If you are weak, your weakness discredits you and you lose. If you are a woman, or young, you are automatically less trustworthy. And if you happen to be both? God help you.

If you take the side of a winner, you win too. This is why in any abuse situation "the Loyal" have the opportunity to cement their own standing by defending the one who is in good standing. They may even be allowed to make small criticisms, such as "I don't agree with everything at BJU" or "Of course it has its problems, but..." as long as the net effect is supportive of the right people.

Remember, though. This is a system of blackmail. You may start in good standing, but if you have the misfortune of being abused by one of the winners, then your situation is delicate. You can maintain good standing by being silent. If you choose to say something, however, the credibility file mentioned above will be pulled out and you will instantly lose the game. How dependent you are on the system and how loudly you speak out will determine how much you lose.

This brings me to something I've wanted to ask the winners for a long time. Winners, if you are reading, here is my question to you: Do you really think that the Truth has anything to do with a victim's status in the blackmail game? You survey a situation, make your judgment call, and walk away feeling supremely justified in your opinion because so-and-so was unspiritual. Because whats-her-name was never seen having personal devotions. Because that guy had an ax to grind. Do you believe in your heart of hearts that any of those things bear on what really, truly happened to real human beings in space and time?

THOSE BITTER, HATEFUL, GOOD SAMARITANS


http://www.1st-art-gallery.com/Ferdinand-Hodler/The-Good-Samaritan.html

You know who they are. If you are a leader within the system and can't understand why people run to this group, I'll tell you. They listen. They help. They do what you should have done. They are as dirty in your eyes as the Samaritans were to the Jews. But while you cross to the other side of the road, they pick people up, bathe their wounds, and help them set things right again. It's a motley crowd. Some are faithful believers. Some are atheists. Some hold to traditional Christian moral codes. Others are progressive. But they all have one thing in common. They stopped letting themselves be blackmailed. They aren't Loyal to the University and its policies anymore. That one thing has placed all of them together on the other side of the fence.

You find these people hard to deal with. They hurt your feelings. They argue poorly, obnoxiously. They use swear words. They've been wrong about things here or there. But I ask you again, is the Truth so fragile that these things affect it? If someone walked up to you and screamed "The world is round, you bastard! I know, because pigs fly!" Would the roundness of the world then be at stake? No. The Truth is still the truth no matter who says it or how.

THE TRAPPED

http://partygirlpoetry.com/2010/10/28/trapped-in-the-now/

So you're trapped. If you open your mouth and tell the truth, all hell breaks loose and life as you know it is over. They won't believe you. They'll drag out every speck of dirt from your life to discredit you. This is a hard situation to be in. You may have loved ones out in the wide world keeping their mouths shut for your sake, while you stay trapped in the game, unable to open your mouths on their behalf. You're paralyzed. What do you do? "Do right" seems... oversimplified. "Tell the truth" feels... too hard. You can sneak out quietly, but you know that if you do, the things that happened to your family will continue to happen to other families. It's a difficult decision for you.

Worse yet, they've convinced you that Loyalty to BJU is Loyalty to the cause of Christ. Think about that for a moment. Do you think it possible that Christ, the Word made flesh, the Logos, is in any way threatened by someone telling the Truth?

Here's the bad news. It isn't going to get better. For all the rule-shifting and attempts to modernize, Bob Jones University is still at its core a system of blackmail. You may survive. You may even win, but your success will only last as long as your perceived Loyalty does. If an unforeseen situation puts you on the wrong side of the game, you still stand to lose it all.

But there's good news. When the dust settles, it turns out losing is far better than winning.





 
http://homebrewedtheology.com/abandonment.php

The Stepford Smile, or "Compulsory Optimism"

"And remember who you are. You represent _________ (your family, your church, your school, your team, God, Baptists Everywhere)."

"What a lovely woman of God--I never saw her without a smile on her face."

"I can't love you if you're not obedient."

"Graduates from Bob Jones University should be show window material for God."

"'Do all to the glory of God' means we are a commercial for God."

                               ^^^actual quotes from the IFB world


******************************************************************************

The endless pressure to perform AND to be smiling at all times is almost endless in the IFB. 

We are told from an early age that we're much bigger than just "us".  We're responsible to keep God looking good. Almost single-handedly, it feels like.

And apparently having emotions other than rabid cheerfulness makes God look bad.

So stuff it down. Keep it inside. Smile, damn it. No matter what:  cancer, wayward child, doubts about God being good, rape, abuse, job loss, singleness, childlessness, conflict.

Stuff it down for YEARS. That's right. Don't let anyone know you're hurting. 

Then go online and start criticizing those who let their feelings out. Those people are an AFFRONT to everything you've worked so hard to hide all these years. 
 
As long as you keep smiling, your kids will "know" you're spiritual. Your pastor will praise you. You'll get into leadership positions.

Don't even admit it to yourself.  Doubting is sin, isn't it? Isn't it? Questioning is the first step down that slippery slope. Next thing you know, you'll be a mess. A sermon illustration about failure.

As it is, you're FINE. It didn't affect you. IT DIDN'T AFFECT YOU. You've moved on, gotten past it.

Those temper tantrums you have in traffic, or towards your kids, or a vulnerable pet, those are aberrations. 

That stomach trouble. It's just about your diet.

That fear--the waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's normal. Doesn't everyone have that?
 
"I'm happy! I'm happy! God is good! Lalalalala!!!"

"How dare you QUESTION me! Of course I know God loves me."

And love confronts, right? Love hurts, love gives diseases, love makes martyrs?

I could weep.

David did. Jesus did. In fact, can you think of major Bible personalities who did not display a staggering range of emotions? And flaws?

Are you better than the prophets?

Is God really threatened by your emotions?

Doesn't he want to gather you into his arms, sit you down on his lap, and hum gently? Are you a better parent than God?



Is honest questioning really going to lead you away from truth?

Maybe. Or maybe God could show you a whole new side of Himself. Maybe you will see Jesus. Not the pasteboard one from Sunday School, but the outrageous and real one who told mysterious stories and hung out with riffraff. Maybe you'll encounter the Holy Spirit and know that He still speaks, still heals, and comforts you with unimaginable love.

If you do, good luck controlling your emotions.

And if you ever read books or watch movies, how intriguing are characters who only smile? How relatable are they?

Are you going to take your problems to a person who only smiles? Some of those really smiley people are horribly judgmental. They have to be. Your feelings threaten their control.

*****************************************************************

I must mention an outstanding blog entry I read yesterday regarding questioning.

Read it here (click on the highlighted words). Here's an excerpt:

"there’s been a subtle and sometimes very direct message that any kind of conflict or dissonance equals being divisive and a challenge to unity. Really, it’s usually not about divisiveness; it’s about control. Unhealthy systems will not tolerate any kind of pushback or challenge or questions."

 

Listen. 


They were wrong to make you stuff your feelings. Those feelings didn't leave. They just festered. They're still there, and they're poisoning you.

It's time to detox. Talk to someone. Write it down. Draw a picture. Sing. Yell. Whatever you need to do.

Feelings aren't sin.

Psalm 6

A David Psalm

 Please, God, no more yelling, no more trips to the woodshed.
   Treat me nice for a change;
      I'm so starved for affection.

 Can't you see I'm black-and-blue,
      beat up badly in bones and soul?
   God, how long will it take
      for you to let up?

Break in, God, and break up this fight;
      if you love me at all, get me out of here.
   I'm no good to you dead, am I?
      I can't sing in your choir if I'm buried in some tomb!

 I'm tired of all this—so tired. My bed
      has been floating forty days and nights
   On the flood of my tears.
      My mattress is soaked, soggy with tears.
   The sockets of my eyes are black holes;
      nearly blind, I squint and grope.

Get out of here, you Devil's crew:
      at last God has heard my sobs.
   My requests have all been granted,
      my prayers are answered.

Cowards, my enemies disappear.
   Disgraced, they turn tail and run.

************************************************************


How do you FEEL? 

How do you think God sees you? 

Are you hiding?

It's safe to come out now.

Falling apart...picking up pieces

 

If you have experienced abuse of ANY sort, and I DO count emotional abuse and spiritual abuse as JUST as bad (if not worse) than physical abuse, then you know about falling apart.

And if you have to tell your story, there are repercussions physically, emotionally, and spiritually. You know.

Reliving it as you tell it. Feeling those feelings, that helplessness, the exhaustion, the rage, the narrowness of the box, the restrictive cell of your former life.

Beating against the door of people's disbelief, unconcern; their trite phrases, meant to pass for comfort, tossed off casually like flimsy bandages for a mortal wound.

Fear, even now, of their disapproval if you speak out loud about how you feel, about what happened to you.


You'll perhaps be drained, unable to sleep or to get up, prone to sickness, depression, thoughts of suicide. You'll find yourself in fits of anger out of nowhere.

You'll see the person who hurt you, supported by friends, successful, getting away with it, even.

Meanwhile you are labeled as trouble. The bad one. The one with issues.

See, in that world, you're meant to paste on that smile. The one that means "I'm okay, I'm fine, I'm not going to tell you my junk because then you'd know I'm not spiritual." The Stepford smile. I hate it. I hate it so much. 




 




Hear me now.

YOU NEVER ASKED FOR ABUSE.

It's NOT your fault.

You are not a bad person.

Having a bad day and being honest about it does NOT equal being a bad person. 


You are unique and you have survived and there is still stuff left to do.

Talk to someone. [NOT A NOUTHETIC COUNSELOR. Please, no.]

A therapist...a licensed practitioner. Many of them have sliding scales so that you can afford to talk to them. It's not scary. On the contrary, it's reassuring to know that what happened to you was wrong and that a person on the outside can see that.

If you are fortunate enough to be part of a real community, a group of believers who don't judge but who bring food, hang onto them. You're going to want to judge yourself before they get a chance to. You're going to be tempted to cut them off. You're going to feel like you're not good enough to join in.



Listen to the still, small and utterly non-condemning voice of God's Spirit.

Listen.

Be still.

“Most of us, most of the time, feel left out—misfits.  We don’t belong.  Others seem so confident, so sure of themselves, “insiders” who know the ropes, old hands in a club from which we are excluded. One way we have of responding to this is to form our own club, or join one that will have us.  Here is at least one place where we are “in” and the others “out.”  The terrible price we pay for keeping all those other people out so that we can savor the sweetness of being insiders is a reduction of reality; a shrinkage of life.  Nowhere is the price more terrible than when it is paid in the cause of religion.  But religion has a long history of doing just that, of reducing the huge mysteries of God to the respectability of club rules, of shrinking the vast human community to a “membership.” But with God there are no outsiders.”

 from Eugene Peterson’s introduction to the Gospel of Luke in The Message

                        

 "He hath chosen us in Him....to the praise of the glory of His grace, wherein He hath made us accepted in His Beloved."

Away from blog

Heading to London.

BJU's man at Mount Calvary, Mark Minnick

"test the spirits to see whether they are from God"

,

Mark Minnick is well-respected in IFB (independent fundamental Baptist) church circles.  He teaches at Bob Jones University and pastors a large local Baptist church, Mount Calvary Baptist Church.


To say he's popular, a BJU icon even, is almost an understatement. There's an odd sense of reverential awe towards him that I can't quite dissect.

It's alluded to in the local slang name for his church, however--Mount Minnick.

My freshman Bible class gave this man a standing ovation at the end of our semester in his class. I was thinking about this yesterday, and I realized how WEIRD that was. I mean, what?

He has had discussions with people "outside" of fundamentalism (not far out, hence the quotes), like this conversation with Mark Dever.

Here's another discussion with Doran and Bauder about fundamentalism and evangelicalism.  To save you time, yes, it devolves into another "how separated are you?" type of thing. 

However, I keep hearing accounts of other words and conversations that raise serious red flags.

No, actually, they raise the hair on my arms and the back of my neck.

****

Let me start out by saying I've gotten this same story from TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE. And at least one of them has heard it more times than that. So this is established by more than one witness.

****

What did he say? To people who had survived abuse? People who had been violated as innocents?

I alluded to this in an earlier blog post, because I'm so afraid abuse is just a word to many people. Not a person. You need to remember the innocence and the panic and the death of dreams.

He said that children who are "impure" attract sexual abuse. He said it can't happen to his children, because his children are "pure".

So let me restate. He told hurting, wounded, and frightened people that they had ATTRACTED THEIR OWN ABUSE.  When asked for clarification about children in particular, he said that they are impure and therefore ATTRACT IT.

When one set of listeners heard this, and recoiled visibly, he told them that they weren't going to find answers at his church. In other words, "you're not really welcome here".

One of them never returned to any church...he/she was there to find out about salvation, and was turned away.

****

This same church had a parenting conference in which Mrs. Minnick counseled women about hiding spanking marks on their children from doctors and others, so as not to get into trouble.

A couple of quotes from Mrs. Minnick:

"In this day and age we do have to be careful about...you know, bruising, or causing huge welts when our children have to be in nurseries and go to the doctor and things like that...and you know there are ways you can work around those things, but at the same time don't compromise biblical principles."


"Pain? I guess?"


"We need a rod...We need an instrument  that we can, you know, execute pain."

 from this discipline session


****

More on spanking:

A family in that church used to spank with a "rod" and set the timer for FIVE MINUTES.

One person heard children being spanked more than 20 whacks at a time in the bathroom there. With lots and lots of screaming.

That person still has nightmares about the spankings witnessed.

****

He's also told people they couldn't serve in specific ways in church because they'd complained on their Facebook page about something trivial...this meant they didn't have the fruit of the Spirit.

How did he know what they said on FB? Someone turned them in. A Bob Jones person.

A "friend."

****

I'm told he makes a boatload of money but that it's not published in their reports. Not publishing that sort of info is unusual, isn't it? If you are aware of different information, I'll retract.

****

He reportedly counsels engaged couples that sex is for procreation ONLY.


Yeah, forget that whole Song of Solomon stuff. Intimacy with spouse as picture of how loved we are by God. Torrid, no? Must.not.lust.after.wife.

Speaking of which, he (Minnick) has been heard to say that he and his wife are clothed for procreation. Reportedly so he doesn't lust? After his OWN WIFE????

He's also told at least one young couple that the husband's duty is to "sanctify the wife through his leadership."

WHAT????????

I kind of thought Christ was doing that.


He also believes, reportedly, that a wife must submit sexually to her husband *whenever* he wants it.

****

He told a young wife who sought counseling from Mrs. Minnick about her marriage that "she had no right to talk against her husband".

The husband, who demanded sex at ALL TIMES (multiple times a day, on demand, even during her period) turned out to be a serial rapist.

So then they supported her, right?

No. The rumor went around that she hadn't put out enough (so of course he had to go rape people). He went to BJU, by the way--graduated with some type of ministry degree.

And she was told to NOT divorce him.






Another friend of mine was raped and then stalked by the rapist, who was allowed to quit his job. When she went to press charges, they told her that if she testified in court she'd be on her own. Alone. Nice people there at Mt. Minnick, no?

****



Another girl from Mt. Calvary (this story being told basically in the exact words it was told to me)  was the oldest girl in her family and had a lot of brothers....

When she was in high school/college, her mom would make lunches for all of her brothers and dad and not the daughter--even though she was going to work just like them--she asked her about it one day and was told this:

 "You are a girl--that's your own job."

She moved out and got pregnant and moved in with a man that she loved.

They were finally getting married--her family would NOT come to the wedding; has never given her son any  gifts, etc....

2 weeks before the wedding, her fiance died.

Not ONE person sent a card or plant--including her own family.

Not even a card. Her mom still hasn't spoken to her.

They have all these "prayer requests" for her (which are just gossip booklets printed without the person's knowledge) but NOT for this--why?

Because they don't want anyone to sympathize with her.

 




He's reportedly said that children conceived through IVF can't get saved.


One man said that Minnick told him HE could see how the man who molested him would do it. The man said Minnick told him he "looked" gay.

 In Minnick's Principles of Christian Growth, a class at BJU, he said that children born of interracial unions were born outside of the will of God. That was in 2001.





What do you suppose the teachings of this man, the teachings of BJU, have done to the many abuse survivors who have been hiding, wounded, living in shame and self-hatred and thinking that GOD HIMSELF blamed them?????


I don't know what you call it, but I call it spiritual abuse.


You're not just hurting them, you're taking away their concept of the One who loves them. 

So they have nowhere to go. God should be our Refuge, and Minnick and his like have made Him into an Enforcer. A Punisher.


To tell a rape victim that she "wanted it" is evil. 


Minnick says children "attract" sexual abuse.


What do you call that?

It's time to shine the light of truth on this place. On this man. He's a public figure and therefore needs public scrutiny. It's all part of the BJU network, and the results of BJU training.

Let Jesus shine in.


The people brought children to Jesus, hoping he might touch them. The disciples shooed them off. 

But Jesus was irate and let them know it: 

"Don't push these children away. Don't ever get between them and me. These children are at the very center of life in the kingdom. 

Mark this: Unless you accept God's kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you'll never get in." Then, gathering the children up in his arms, he laid his hands of blessing on them.



Mark 10:14 MSG

Edit on 5/8/2012:

A man I know contacted Minnick about the statements he made to various people implying that they were attracting their own abuse. He denied saying they were impure.

I'm sure everyone will draw their own conclusions.

IFB pastors don't report rapes, generally, because in their opinion it's "he said, she said."

I guess it's the same here. Except it's "he said, they said."